Tuesday, February 1, 2011


"Don't fuck with me, Bats."

The rumor mill is running on all cylinders, exploding in vibrant strobe lights, and screeching like a tortured banshee these days concerning 2012's Great Big Event (and no, I don't mean the end of the world as foretold by the Mayans). We already know that Anne Hathaway will play Selina Kyle/Catwoman and Tom Hardy will play the muscle-bound man of doom Bane. Now, according to MTV.com and about a trillion other sources, it's rumored that 'Inception' star and kisser of Zooey Deschanel, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, will possibly join the growing cast of 'Dark Knight Rises.'

But as what? As who? Does it matter? JGL could be Batman's arch nemesis The Riddler (unlikely, as Nolan ruled that villain out), one of Bane's henchman, Selina Kyle's personal shampoo assistant, or maybe just a dude crossing the street chewing some gum that Batman almost runs over on his way to save Gotham.

If I had to guess, I'd say JGL will most likely play either a mobster like Black Mask, or he'll be the one heading up the task force designed to bring down Batman. I doubt he'd play Hugo Strange, if Strange is indeed even in the movie, as he's probably too young.

However, there is one role I'd think he'd be perfect for. It's for a villain whom I've longed to see in a Batman film. The Ventriloquist:

"But Mr. Scarface, I don't remember making out with Zooey Deschanel."
"Shut up! I was there. You did. And you kiss like a mule eating a carrot."

But why The Ventriloquist? And why JGL for the part? Ventriloquist is clearly a withered old man while Levitt is a young, studly dude. Exactly for that reason. Because it's an unconventional casting choice, and because I think he could pull of a batshit insane mobster with dissociate identity disorder just like a certain other young, studly dude pulled off The Joker.

Anyway, I'm sure we'll find out in the coming days what role JGL will play. Here's to hoping it's a doll-wielding mobster.

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